You Are the Reason You’re Unhappy
4 reasons why you’re the problem.
👋 Hi, I’m Irene! Welcome to The Happiness Diary Entry 5.
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Have you ever considered the root of your unhappiness is closer than you think?
What if I told you the root lies within you?
Here are 4 reasons why you’re the reason you’re unhappy.
Your Lack of Personal Accountability
Do you find yourself blaming your circumstances? The people in your life? The world? If so, it’s time to pause and reflect on the possibility that, maybe, you’re the problem.
When I moved to Budapest to be closer to my parents, I blamed them for everything. For not having time to journal. Exercising. Eating healthy.
Isn’t this sad? That we blame other people for things that are wrong in our lives? What good does that do? It accomplishes nothing.
The reality is, if I wanted to journal, I could’ve woken up earlier. If I wanted to exercise, I could’ve made time for it. If I wanted to eat healthier, I could’ve made my own meals.
Taking these actions and being responsible for my choices, would’ve made me happier. But I failed to take personal accountability. Instead, I placed the blame on my parents. Why?
Because it’s easier to point fingers at others than to look at ourselves. Because it puts us in the victim’s seat. And being in the victim’s seat relinquishes us from responsibility.
So in a twisted way, we’re happy to be unhappy because being happy requires us to take charge of our happiness. And that starts with admitting we’re at fault. That where we are today is a direct reflection of all our choices and habits. That we’re responsible for where we are in life.
But, most people shy away from taking responsibility. Let’s not be among them.
Your Actions
Albert Einstein - Insanity is doing the same thing again and again and expecting a different result.
I confess. I’ve been guilty of this.
When I was in university, I told my friends I’d quit drinking. The twist? I said it every weekend.
Then when Monday rolled around, I always expected to feel excited and motivated for life.
Did I? No. I felt lethargic. Heavy. And guilty. Because I fell into the same pattern again.
My old behaviour reminds me of many other people I know. They often meet up on the weekends. Complain about the corrupted government. Complain about how their pay sucks. And complain about how life is unfair.
Now when I listen to this type of conversation, I think to myself, If you want to change your life, then why don’t you do something different instead of drinking every weekend?
Do something that could elevate your life. Learn a new skill. Build a project. Choose something that has a return on investment.
But you know what? Most people won’t.
Because change is painful. It requires you to step out of your comfort zone. And unless the pain of being the same is greater than the pain of change, most people opt for the familiar path.
Your Belief
Henry Ford - Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t - you’re right.
I never considered the concept of change when I was in university.
I had a stable relationship. I was in my final year, and my plan was to graduate, get a job, get married, and then after that, who knew?
That pretty much summed up my thinking at the time. A life of stability and comfort.
Though I was comfortable, I felt unhappy. Yet, I was terrified of change. What it’d look like. How I’d get there. And I was addicted to comfort as most people are. Why?
Because we’re wired for it. It’s part of our survival instinct. So we often stick to what’s easy, stable, and familiar. It’s why we have repetitive patterns. We wake up, work, eat, use our phones, watch TV, then sleep.
These patterns become ingrained in our minds. And to do something different demands a ton of energy that most people are unwilling to invest.
Because deep down we’ve convinced ourselves that our lives are set in stone and that we don’t have the power to change our lives.
This sense of powerlessness becomes our dominant mindset.
And we often surround ourselves with people who share this mindset. It’s how we’ve come to connect with others. Through conversations built on negativity.
Consequently, we start to live in this echo chamber of thoughts making it harder to escape the belief that we can’t change our lives.
So the hard truth is this: You’re unhappy because you don’t believe you can change your life. As a result, you choose to stay in unhappy situations.
Your Environment
Do you know what the most overlooked part of happiness is? Optimizing your environment.
Yes, happiness is an inside job. But why not make it easier on yourself?
Get your outside in order to get your inside in order. Doing this certainly makes it a helluva lot easier to operate in a happier state every day.
At the height of my unhappiness, I had terrible habits. I skipped my 8 AM classes. Slept until 11 AM. Went to Starbucks. Studied. Watched movies or went to the bar until 2 AM. Then, repeat.
No wonder I wasn’t happy. I didn’t do anything for my happiness. I didn’t do anything to nourish my mind, body, or soul.
So reflect. Are your daily habits making you happy?
How do you take care of your mind? Are you learning? Do you have a creative outlet? Are you building a project? Do you live in a clutter-free environment?
How do you take care of your body? Do you exercise? Eat well? Drink water? Get good sleep? Manage your stress? Avoid drugs?
How do you take care of your soul? Do you journal? Walk? Have positive healthy relationships? And manage media that enters your mind?
When you’ve got these bases covered, it’s hard to feel unhappy (for most people).
Today’s Action Step
Naval Ravikant - Happiness is a choice.
If you’re unhappy, don’t wait for things, people, or life to bring you out of unhappiness. You are responsible for your happiness. So choose to be happy.
How can you start? Do one happiness-inducing kind of activity every day. That’s how you build your happiness muscles.
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