What are you saying to yourself?

5 steps to break free from limiting beliefs

Read Time: 10.39 minutes

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Hi everyone, welcome back for another edition of A Joyful Life! Thank you so much for being here every week. ✨

Since last week, I’ve been thinking about ‘leaving’ social media. Except for LinkedIn, though. 

Now, when I say leave, I don’t mean delete my account forever. Instead, I mean, I’m going to stop posting and spending time on these platforms. 

Why? For 4 reasons. 

1. It’s so… fast-paced. Especially X. You see dozens of posts with one scroll. And every post is competing for your attention. And not going to lie, I’ve been finding that to be overwhelming. 

2. We’re all regurgitating the same information—I’m guilty of it, too. Most of us are talking about how to write better. How to gain followers. How to get more engagement. How to get more clients. And how to make more money. And again, I’ve been finding that to be overwhelming. 

3. We’re ‘networking’ with the intent of growing our accounts. What happened to commenting or talking to someone because what they shared was interesting? Because you resonated with their stories, experiences, and insights? Because you *just wanted* to? I miss that.

4. I feel overwhelmed—I notice I keep coming back to this word. As a writer, you’re *expected* to distribute your work everywhere. “You need to post on Medium. You need to repurpose your content on Twitter. On LinkedIn. On Instagram. On Pinterest. On TikTok. On Shorts.” You get my point. 

   Yes, I see the value of doing that. By posting your work everywhere, you build awareness. You attract opportunities. You can make more money. You can establish authority, trust, and credibility. And that is great. If that’s your goal, and it was mine, for a while. But now? I want to slow down. And I want to focus on one platform—Substack. 

So, why did I choose Substack as the foundation for A Joyful Life?

1. I don’t feel drained after using Substack. After scrolling on X, Instagram, TikTok, and all the other social media platforms, I just feel… tired. For the reasons, I listed above. 

2. On the reverse, I feel inspired and understood after spending time on Substack. The platform feels more authentic, relatable, and vulnerable. It feels ‘appropriate’ to share raw stories that probably wouldn’t be okay to share on other ones. It feels like a safe space. And it feels like the community here is striving to live a simple, peaceful, intentional, meaningful, and joyful life—My wish, too. 

3. The different functionalities. On Substack, you can write Notes. You can attach audio recordings. You can set up a podcast. You can start a community chat. There are so many options. And best of all, it’s *yours*. You own the content. 

And yes, I understand without promoting A Joyful Life on social media, I’ll grow slower. But I’ve made peace with that. I want to grow A Joyful Life in a way that feels intentional and meaningful for me. And in a way that attracts a community of readers who have the same values as me. 

So, what’s my plan for A Joyful Life moving forward? 

Well, I’m still figuring out the ‘best’ newsletter format. But I reckon I’ll increase the number of newsletters I send per week. Last week, I added an audio recording for readers who might want to listen to the newsletter instead—I might continue doing that. I’m considering making downloadable templates or resources for readers to use alongside the newsletters when appropriate. And I’m thinking about what to include for the paid subscription. 

All of this is still a work in progress. And I’d love to hear your thoughts—About what you’re looking for and what you’d like to see more of if you have time. 

Lastly, I want to say, thank you so much for being here. ✨

Now, let’s move on to the topic for this week: Breaking free from limiting beliefs. 

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Do you have limiting beliefs that are holding you back from:

• Feeling confident? 

• From loving yourself? 

• From being authentic? 

• From reaching your potential? 

If so, here’s how I’ve learned to heal from my limiting beliefs. I hope it helps you, too. 

Step 1: Identify your limiting beliefs.

I like to do this in my journal for three reasons. 

One, journaling is me-time. It’s when I’m alone. It’s when I’m away from the noise of social media, people, and society. It’s when I can listen to my thoughts and feelings to understand myself and why I have these limiting beliefs. 

Two, journaling slows my mind down. When a limiting belief pops up in my mind, my mind runs at 100 kilometres per hour. And I start to dig in a never-ending rabbit hole of negative thoughts. Most of these thoughts are not productive. And I don’t get anywhere except feel worse about myself. But when I journal, my mind slows down. And it’s because I’m writing down all my thoughts so I ‘force’ my mind to match my writing pace. This way, I can process my thoughts in a more thoughtful and logical way. 

And three, as Anne Frank wrote, “Paper is more patient than people.” I don’t have to feel guilty about unloading all this negativity onto someone else. I don’t have to censor all my ugly thoughts because no one will listen to or read them. Only me. And I can be as honest as possible. 

Try This: Next time you feel upset or triggered, or you have a limiting belief repeating in your mind, write it down. Write down what happened. Write down the beliefs you have about yourself. For example, here are 3 common limiting beliefs:

1. I'm not good enough.

2. I'm not deserving of love.

3. I'll never be financially successful.

In my case, a limiting belief I’ve always struggled with is, “I’m not attractive.” So, I’m gonna walk you through how I’ve been overcoming this belief in these 5 steps. 

Step 2: Challenge your limiting beliefs. 

I’m not considered pretty in Taiwan. 

I don’t have double eyelids. I don’t have high cheekbones. I don’t have a high nose bridge. My face is a little round. I was chubby from grade eight to my first year of university. And I had crooked teeth (I didn’t get braces until I was in my second year of university). So I always felt terrified of going to see my relatives in Taiwan in fear of what they’d say. 

Last year, my grandmother called me ugly in front of all my relatives. And she said she couldn’t believe my brother and I were siblings since we looked so different. Everyone laughed. 

It was humiliating. It was hurtful. And I had never felt more ugly, more less, in my life. 

My partner was there at the time. And I translated to him what happened when we were alone. 

Afterward, he asked me, “Do you think you’re ugly?” 

I said, “Yeah.” 

He asked, “Why?” 

I said, “Because I’ve heard it from my relatives and people in Taiwan.” 

Then, he said, “You’re not ugly. But you need to build more confidence in yourself. You should let go of all expectations of receiving compliments from your relatives. And you should expect mean comments from them when we visit. Who cares what they think? It’s about how you think about yourself.” 

Easier said than done. But I knew he was right. 

Since then, I’ve started challenging that limiting belief about myself whenever it pops up. I’ll write in my journal, “Okay, so what if you don’t fit the ideal beauty standards in Taiwan? What can you do about it? You can either change your situation or accept it. You don’t want to get plastic surgery, so really, you have to accept the situation. This means, be prepared. Every time you see your relatives, don’t expect any compliments. Instead, expect one or a few negative comments. The real goal, though, is to build so much love for yourself that those comments don’t even bother you anymore.” 

So now, I’m learning to accept myself. Learning to build self-love. And learning to believe I am enough as I am. 

Try This: After identifying your limiting beliefs, it’s time to question yourself. To challenge these beliefs. 

Why do you think or feel that these limiting beliefs are true? Is there supporting evidence? Look for evidence where it isn’t true. 

If this is hard for you, you can talk to your friends, mentors, and therapists about it. 

Step 3: Replace your limiting beliefs with empowering ones. 

After I identify and challenge my limiting beliefs, I replace them with more empowering thoughts. 

Try This: For every limiting belief you have, swap it with a positive affirmation. 

Here are three tips to keep in mind when you’re writing them. 

One, start with “I”. This personalizes the affirmation. 

Two, focus on what you want. Not what you don’t want. 

Imagine you're driving a car and you're focused on not hitting a wall. You're constantly thinking, "I hope I don't hit the wall, I hope I don't hit the wall." But you end up hitting the wall. 

This is because your focus was on it. And where your focus goes, energy flows. I learned this from Tony Robbins. 

And three, write your positive affirmations in the present tense. This helps you believe what you want is already happening and achievable. 

In my case, I’ll write down, “I radiate beauty and confidence from within.” 

To give you more examples, here are three positive affirmations you can read to yourself that address the limiting beliefs I listed above:

1. I’m not good enough. → I am more than enough just as I am. 

2. I’m not deserving of love. → I am worthy of love and acceptance, flaws and all. 

3. I’ll never be financially successful. → I attract abundance and prosperity into my life. 

Bonus Tip: You can listen to guided positive affirmations first thing in the morning or right before you go to bed. Because your brain is the most impressionable during these times. 

What you think and what you say about yourself matters. 

So make sure you’re choosing thoughts and beliefs that align with who you want to become and how you want to live. 

Step 4: Act in a way that supports your desired beliefs. 

Thinking and telling yourself something isn’t enough to change your beliefs. 

You need to give your mind evidence or experiences that support the new belief for you to accept it. 

For example, I don’t feel attractive when I don’t move my body. When I don’t drink enough water. When I don’t get enough sleep. When I don’t eat well. And when I don’t take care of my mind, body, and soul, in general. I need to do all these things every day for me to feel good about myself. 

Try This: Look for evidence or experiences that support the belief you want. 

If you don’t have any, create them. Figure out what it is you need to do every day for you to get the evidence and experience for your desired beliefs. 

Here are examples of how to look and create evidence for the positive affirmations I listed above:

1. I’m not good enough. → I am more than enough just as I am. → Start a self-love journal. Every day, write down your small wins. Write down what you’re proud of about yourself. Write down something hard you did or something you overcame.

2. I’m not deserving of love. → I am worthy of love and acceptance, flaws and all. → Practice self-compassion and self-care activities. What does this look like? You can meditate. Take breaks. And do hobbies that bring you joy. 

3. I’ll never be financially successful. → I attract abundance and prosperity into my life. → Create a budget and savings plan. Set achievable financial goals. Learn to be financially literate. Start a side hustle on top of your 9-5 to create an additional income. 

Actions speak louder than words in shaping your beliefs.

Step 5: Treat yourself with compassion.

Changing your limiting beliefs is a life-long practice. 

It won’t happen overnight. 

And the thing is, it’s not possible to eradicate your limiting beliefs 100%. I used to think this was a bad thing. I mean, why wouldn’t you want to get rid of your limiting beliefs completely? 

But here’s what I realized: When I believed I could get rid of these thoughts completely, I’d beat myself up more when they appeared in my mind. 

But once I let go of that expectation, I began to be kinder to myself. To be more compassionate with myself. And to be more patient with myself. Because I no longer had that expectation. 

So instead of beating myself up when these limiting beliefs popped up, I’d say to myself, “Okay, I’m having this thought. Let’s write down why I feel this way. Let’s write down what’s true or not true about it. Let’s see what I can do about it.” 

Over time—with consistent effort and practice—you’ll reduce their influence. You’ll learn to recognize when they appear. You’ll learn to respond in a constructive and empowering way. And you’ll learn to treat yourself with love, compassion, and kindness—just like how you’d treat a friend.

As Seneca wrote, “What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself.” 

Try This: Go back to Step 1 again to repeat the process whenever a limiting belief appears.

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How you think and feel shape your actions. Your actions shape your experiences. Your experiences shape your behaviour. Your behaviour shapes your character. And your character shapes your life. 

So, to feel confident, live authentically, and transform our lives, we first need to address the thoughts in our minds. 

How? 

We need to identify, challenge, and replace the thoughts holding us back. We need to have personal accountability, to put in time and effort, and to act in a way that supports our new beliefs. And last, we need to give ourselves grace, compassion, and patience. Because change doesn’t happen overnight. 

Then, over time, we’ll break free from what’s holding us back to live with authenticity and confidence.

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What I’m reading

• Episode 44: Are Even You Reading This? By

  Joy Cho
  — I resonated with this. It touches on abundance, being self-aware, and service to the world. And Joy is right. You never know who you might reach by sharing your voice, talent, and work with the world.

• ACTIVITY: The Reverse Bucket List by

  Chris Guillebeau
  — Chris recommends you make a list of the amazing things you’ve already done! This helps you appreciate the ‘past You’. 

• 5 practices from Ayurveda that I've added to my life by

  Vasudha Viswanath
  This was a really interesting and fascinating read. I first learned of Ayurveda from Radhi Devlukia (Jay Shetty's wife). Since then, I've been meaning to learn more about it.

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Before you go

I hope you enjoyed reading today’s newsletter!

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Also, as always, if there’s anything you want me to address, talk about, or answer, PLEASE email me your questions!

Thank you so much for being here! 😊

I’ll see you next Sunday,

Irene