7 Things Happy People Don’t Do

#4 - Stop people-pleasing at the expense of yourself.

👋 Hi, I’m Irene!

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Read Time: 4.52 minutes

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Here are 7 things I’m going to stop doing in 2024 to feel happier:

Doing this may suck in the short term, but you’ll feel happier in the long term

My old favourite activity when I felt depressed and lonely? 

Drinking and dancing. 

I felt happy in those moments, like I didn't have a care in the world, and I temporarily forgot all my problems. 

But, the thing is, I always felt worse the next day—physically and mentally. It was a continuous cycle of feeling bad, drinking, feeling worse, drinking again, and feeling even worse. 

This happened because I refused to acknowledge and address my feelings and problems. 

So, what I've learned is to stop suppressing or avoiding negative feelings. They don't go away. In fact, they ring louder and louder. 

It's better to acknowledge, express, and heal from them in healthy, positive ways. 

It may suck in the short term, but you'll feel happier in the long term.

How you heal and move on

I resented my ex a lot after we broke up—for using me as a place to stay, for giving me false hope, for using my family after we ended things, and for moving on so quickly. 

Ironically, all this resentment made me think about him more, made me unhappy, and held me back from moving on. 

The lesson I've learned is to let go of grudges and resentment. Instead of holding on, practice forgiveness.

I ended up writing a letter of forgiveness to him. That's how I started healing and how I moved on.

Focus on you

I’m openly building my writing career in public. 

I write about my feelings, my thoughts, my insecurities, my failures, my small wins—everything. 

It’s been rewarding but also challenging. One of the toughest aspects of writing online is witnessing the progress of other writers (while you make little progress). 

When you see people who started before, at the same time, and after you, all making more progress, the green-eyed monster tends to come out. Your ego may deflate, telling you that you're not good enough, you'll never be good enough, and that you should quit. 

Something I learned recently is that if you always compare your achievements to others, you’ll feel inadequate. 

Instead, focus on your progress. Your journey. Your growth. And celebrate your small wins every day to give you the momentum to keep going. 

Pour into your cup first

Up until my mid-20s, I prioritized others before myself. 

If a friend wanted to grab sushi, I said yes even when I was tired. 

If a friend needed someone to talk to, I listened even when I was dealing with a ton of problems of my own. 

And if someone wanted to grab a drink, I said yes even though I had planned to have a night to myself. 

I said yes, often at the expense of my energy, time, and sanity. But I started saying no more often after I started my self-love journey in 2020. 

At first, I feared I was becoming less humane. More selfish. 

But I realized afterwards I was just better at setting boundaries. Better at taking care of my well-being. Better at pouring into my cup first before anyone else. 

And ironically, I showed up better in my relationships. 

So here’s what I’ve learned: You’ll burn out and feel unhappy and resentful if you always prioritize others' needs before your own. 

Set better boundaries. Take care of yourself first. You’ll be happier. As a result, it’ll translate to happier relationships. 

Let go of this pursuit

I wanted—needed—to be perfect in every way. 

I spent hundreds on skincare products because I needed my skin to be perfect. 

I spent thousands on braces and dental cleaning every three months because I needed my teeth to be straight, white, and perfect. 

I had zero tolerance for mistakes at work because I needed to be the perfect employee. 

So when I got a blemish, or cavity, or made a mistake at work, I’d berate myself. I’d get upset. And it wounded my ego. 

Truth be told? Living like that was painful. 

So I’ve stopped trying to be perfect in every aspect. 

This pursuit of perfection only leads to more stress and unhappiness. 

Instead, embrace your imperfections. Adopt a growth mindset. Accept and love yourself as the imperfectly perfect human being you are.

You owe it to yourself to do this

I’m not that person—The person who has plans every day. 

Monday after work, they have dinner with Chelsea. Tuesday after work, they have pottery at ClayCraft Haven. Wednesday after work, they have rock climbing with Alex. You get my gist. 

When I taught ESL and had a normal 8 AM - 4 PM schedule, I looked forward to going to the gym, showering, turning on my diffuser, journaling, and then lying down on my couch. Alone. With zero plans. 

The best type of weekend for me at the time? No. Plans. That was pure bliss for me. I found that after a long week, all I wanted to do was be alone, recharge, and unwind. 

So, here’s my advice: Stop overcommitting and having a jam-packed schedule. You owe it to yourself to have more downtime. 

Otherwise, you’ll be on your way to burnout and unhappiness. Even 30 minutes of me-time will make a huge difference in your well-being. 

Make the most of the present

I met a boy when I was in Budapest in 2017. 

I was 23, and he was 26. I (really) liked him, but one month after we met, I decided to go back to Canada, a decision I regretted for years. 

I constantly wondered, “What if? What if I had stayed? What could have unfolded?” These regrets worsened as we stayed in contact for the next several years. 

So here’s what I’ve learned from this experience: Stop dwelling on regret or past mistakes. Doing so makes you feel stressed and depressed. 

Accept that you made the best choice for yourself given the time and circumstances. 

Now, let go of regret and make the most of the present.

TL;DR

1. Stop suppressing your emotions.

2. Stop holding onto grudges and resentment.

3. Stop comparing your achievements to others.

4. Stop people-pleasing at the expense of yourself.

5. Stop trying to be perfect in every aspect.

6. Stop overloading your schedule.

7. Stop dwelling on regret.

Before You Go

Thank you so much for reading today’s entry! 

I’d love for you to respond to this email to let me know:

• Your biggest takeaway

• Your biggest challenge

• Your biggest struggle right now

I’d really appreciate it if you could reply because it helps me understand what you’re interested in learning more about and to make sure what I write is helpful and valuable for you. I read every single reply. 😊

With all my love,

Irene

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