30 life lessons I’ve learned in 30 years
maybe, you’ll resonate with some of them
Hi everyone, Happy Tuesday! Thank you SO MUCH for being here this week. I’m so sorry this edition is two days late. Last week was wild—I signed my work contract, went to the Immigration Office, celebrated my birthday, and yesterday was my first day at work! THANK YOU to everyone who wished me a happy birthday—My heart is so, so full.
30 Life Lessons I’ve Learned In 30 Years
I turned 30 yesterday.
So I thought, “Why not leaf through all seven of my journals and compile 30 life lessons I’ve learned over the past 30 years?”
Maybe, you’ll resonate with some of them.
1. I learned I don’t need to have it all figured out.
I started my *dream role* yesterday. But it took me six years to get to this point. Since graduating from university in 2018, I’ve worked as a waitress, customer service representative at the gym, aesthetician, ESL teacher, and freelancer. And yesterday marked my first day as a Content Writer. These six years of trial and error taught me that you don’t need to have all the answers or see the whole staircase. All you have to do is follow and act on whatever sparks your interest, your curiosity, and your obsession. Take it one step at a time. Deal with the problems, challenges, and setbacks as you go along. You never know where following your curiosity will lead you. I might do something completely different six years later—Who knows? That’s part of the beauty of life.
2. I learned failing and feeling lost, discomfort, and like an imposter are good signs I’m on the right track.
My first few articles were rejected from Thought Catalog. I’ve been rejected from 100+ job applications at this point. And I don’t have a degree in writing, literature, journalism, marketing, or personal branding… But I still landed a Content Writer role. Looking back, I’ve realized that every setback and moment of self-doubt has pushed me forward. Each time things didn’t go as planned, I reflected, adjusted my approach, or changed my path. Gradually, this process has brought me closer to where I am today. So these emotions *actually* signify progress. They mean that I’m stepping outside of my comfort zone. They mean I’m experimenting, growing, and figuring out what I want. And that’s something worth celebrating.
3. I learned discipline and environment matter more than motivation and inspiration.
When I was younger, if I didn’t feel like studying, writing an essay, or going to school, then I wouldn't do it. Needless to say, I’ve never felt like I was operating at my full potential. But thanks to James Clear and Andy Frisella, I’ve learned that motivation and inspiration are fleeting. I won’t always feel motivated or inspired to do something. Instead, I need to build discipline and learn to follow through on my commitments, even when I lack motivation. One of the best strategies I've found for building discipline is to design my environment to support my desired behaviour. For example, I wanted to drink more water, so I bought a large, beautiful water bottle that holds 1800 ml. Now, every morning, I fill it to the brim and keep it beside my desk while I work. This simple change has helped me drink more water.
4. I learned to focus on what matters to *me*—not the opinions of my family, friends, or society.
I used to care about the wrong things (for me). Like getting a ton of likes on Facebook, views on Instagram stories, having nice clothes, and making as much money as possible. Why did I have these goals? Because of my family, friends, and society. But then I started to reflect on what was truly important to me and how I wanted to live. And I discovered that I just wanted to live a simple, peaceful, healthy, joyful, and meaningful life. So I began to focus more on my health, relationships, and meaningful work. Everything else, for me, is just noise.
5. I learned to slow down.
One of the ways that’s helped me live a more simple, peaceful, healthy, joyful, and meaningful life is slow living. For me, this means using social media less (if at all). It means injecting more silence, solitude, and presence into my day. And it means not filling my life with so many activities, things, and people so that I can slow down, appreciate, and engage in everything with more intention.
6. I learned what *enough* looks like for me, and to feel content and grateful for what I have.
In the past, I used to think, “I’ll be happy when I move to Budapest. I’ll be happy when I have a remote job. I’ll be happy when I make $10K/month.” These thoughts caused me a lot of unnecessary suffering because they made me focus on what I lacked. As a result, I didn’t appreciate what I had. And I didn’t feel content or joy in where I was at in my life. But, in the last few months, my perspective has changed. I've realized that I'll never reach a point where I have "enough," and I'll never experience true joy if I continue to focus on what I don’t have. So now, I’m learning to cherish the present moment and find joy in my journey instead of fixating on reaching a certain goal and destination.
7. I learned happiness is a choice, a skill.
I used to search for happiness externally. I thought I’d be happy once I had more clothes, shoes, and money. Or I’d be happy once I had a boyfriend and travelled the world with him. My happiness was dependent on external things. But now I realize long-lasting happiness has to come from within me. I can choose to be happy today, right now, regardless of my external world. It’s a skill I can develop. And the more I build my happiness muscles, the easier it is for me to be in a state of joy and happiness. In my case, I had to recognize, address, and heal from a lot of negative self-talk and limiting beliefs. I had to cultivate gratitude. And I had to build more self-awareness.
8. I learned to spend as much time as possible—and cherish the time I have—with my parents, brother, and friends.
My parents live in Taiwan. My brother lives in Canada. My close friends and cousins are in both countries. And I’m currently based in Hungary with my partner. Needless to say, I don’t get to spend a lot of time with the people I love. So I’ve learned to cherish, appreciate, and be present whenever I talk to and see them. And I try to text, call, and visit them as often as I can.
9. I learned to recognize, uncover, and heal from my childhood wounds.
When I was younger, I attracted (and cried a lot over) avoidant and emotionally unavailable men. This pattern persisted because I hadn’t done the inner work. I hadn’t uncovered and healed from my childhood wounds like fear of abandonment. So I kept repeating the same fears, thoughts, habits, and behaviours. As a result, I kept attracting a certain type of men and experiencing the same relationship problems. So I made a conscious effort to break out of this cycle. I journaled. I built self-awareness. I practiced self-love. And I even tried therapy for a bit. Through this process of inner healing, I began to develop healthier patterns and behaviours.
10. I learned what I think, believe, and say about myself influences my life.
I used to have a lot of repetitive, negative self-talk. I would think, “I’m a failure. I’m dumb. I’m ugly.” For a long time, I believed the thoughts I had about myself—Until I learned three things. One, research shows people have between 60 000 to 70 000 thoughts in one day. And 90% of those thoughts are the same ones we had the day before. Two, not all the thoughts I have about myself are true. And three, I have the power to change my negative self-talk by introducing new, positive, and more empowering thoughts. So now, I question the thoughts I have about myself and I listen to and repeat positive affirmations.
11. I learned to be intentional about what I feed my mind.
When I was younger, I didn’t pay attention to what I was consuming. I watched YouTube videos on celebrity gossip, listened to hip-hop and rap about sex and drugs, and watched reality TV shows like Terrace House. The result? I often felt unstable, depressed, anxious, and angry. However, over time, I started being more mindful of what I allowed into my mind. This is because I learned that what I watch, read, listen to, and engage with affects my thoughts, feelings, energy, and ultimately, my life. So now, I’m super intentional about the books I read, the videos I watch, the podcasts I listen to, and the people I’m friends with. I want to make sure I’m filling my life with positive, uplifting, peaceful, and educational things.
12. I learned to use social media less and with intention.
I don’t have any social media apps on my phone. The only platforms I still use are LinkedIn and YouTube (on my laptop). Sometimes, I'll go on Instagram and Facebook on my laptop, but it's rare. Since removing social media from my phone and reducing my usage, I've found that I’ve had more time to focus on building and enjoying my own life rather than watching others live theirs. For example, I've started writing online, going for walks, and reading fiction again. I've also become more present in everyday activities like cooking, cleaning, and socializing. Overall, I've felt a greater sense of joy, contentment, and peace.
13. I learned to build self-awareness.
When I was younger, I struggled to understand myself. I didn’t know what I valued, prioritized, enjoyed doing, or who I wanted to be. So I shaped my life based on the expectations of my family, friends, and society. However, everything changed after I read 'Think Like A Monk' by Jay Shetty in 2020. This book taught me the importance of self-awareness. I learned how to identify my values and priorities, and I started to pay closer attention to my thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and intuition. As a result, I’ve begun to figure out who I want to be and how I want to live. Gradually, I've been able to build a more fulfilling and meaningful life.
14. I learned I am not alone.
I used to believe that no one could understand my struggles, heartbreak, insecurities, and the pain I was going through. But, after travelling, relocating, and living abroad, and having the opportunity to meet people from different backgrounds like Hungary and Taiwan, I’ve come to understand that pain is universal. I am not alone in my experiences. Regardless of the hardships and difficulties I’ve faced, someone around the world has encountered—and overcome—the same challenges. This realization has taught me that everyone is going through something and that everyone is trying their best. It has also taught me to be kinder, more compassionate, and patient, and to stop judging others.
15. I learned to have more flexibility.
I thrive on structure, organization, planning, and punctuality. I do not like last-minute changes. However, my partner prefers making plans on the same day with a 'flexible' plan. Oh, and he’s also late most of the time. Naturally, this drove me bonkers when we first started dating and caused a ton of conflict. But recently, I heard in a podcast with relationship expert Lori Gottlieb that one of the most important skills to have in a relationship is to be flexible, not to be so rigid. So lately, instead of getting upset or feeling frustrated or angry when something doesn’t go as we planned, I’ve learned to stop, pause, breathe, and then have an honest conversation with him about why being on time and doing what we planned is important to me. And I’ve learned to (try to) accept last-minute changes. I think we’ve finally found a balance for us.
16. I learned to invest in my relationships.
According to a Harvard study, positive relationships are the number one factor that contributes to our happiness in life. That's why I prioritize investing in my relationships. What does this look like for me? I strive to make the people in my life feel seen, understood, heard, and appreciated. I listen to them with the intent to understand, remember what they tell me, and give them my absolute presence. And I aim to be there for them during both the good and the hard times, to keep my promises, and to be reliable.
17. I learned to focus on what is in my control and ignore the rest.
I used to struggle a lot with overthinking. But since I started reading about Stoicism—thank you, Ryan Holiday—I've noticed I don’t overthink as much anymore. This is because a core principle of Stoicism is to “'Focus on what is in your control. Ignore the rest.'” So now, whenever I find myself slipping into negative thought patterns, I ask, 'Is this within my control?' If the answer is yes, I determine what actions I can take to improve my situation and then act on them. If the answer is no, I let it go.
18. I learned to detach from outcomes.
In the past, I felt devastated when things didn't go my way. For example, I questioned my self-worth and whether I was worthy of love or not after my last relationship ended. I doubted my abilities, skills, and competence after I got rejected from hundreds of job applications. This fear of failure and rejection sometimes paralyzed me. It made me scared to date, scared to go above and beyond in a job application, and scared to try, in general, because what if I gave it my all—in a relationship, in a job application, in life—and it still wasn’t enough, still didn’t work out as I wanted it to? But recently, I’ve learned to give my 110% in everything I do and let go of all expectations and outcomes. I now strive to accept, embrace, and love whatever happens, reminding myself to wish for things to unfold as they should, rather than as I want them to.
19. I learned everything is temporary.
A quote I think about a lot is, “This, too, shall pass.” This quote reminds me that everything in life is temporary—both the bad and the good. This perspective gives me not only the strength and the resilience to endure difficult times but also to appreciate every moment with gratitude and presence.
20. I learned my past does not define me.
I’ve made plenty of terrible mistakes in the past—I’ve been an awful and toxic friend, girlfriend, sister, and daughter. For the longest time, I felt trapped by my past and I had trouble forgiving myself. I couldn’t move on. But recently, I’ve realized that no matter how awful I was in the past, no matter what horrible things I’ve done… I can change my future. I don’t need to be bound by my past. The Past Me doesn’t need to be the Present or Future Me. This was an empowering lesson.
21. I learned how to have an abundance mindset.
I used to feel jealous of others because I felt threatened by their beauty, their success, and their life. I feel a part of the reason why is because society has conditioned us this way. Society has instilled a scarcity mindset in us that suggests only a limited number of people can be beautiful, happy, and successful. But in reality, there is more than enough for everyone. As I shifted my mindset and began to wish for and celebrate other people's success, I noticed a positive change in my own life. By switching from a scarcity mindset to an abundance mindset, I attracted more opportunities and fulfillment into my life.
22. I learned how to build a growth mindset.
I used to have a fixed mindset. For example, I believed that intelligence, writing ability, or teaching talent were innate—you were either born smart or not, a great writer or not, a talented teacher or not. So I often avoided trying new things because I thought, "What's the point?" But recently, my perspective has changed. Now, I understand that all these traits, characteristics, and skills I believed were 'fixed' can be developed with time, effort, and grit. So now, I'm no longer afraid to try, work hard, and fail, because I know that over time, I will learn, grow, and improve.
23. I learned how to build *real* self-love.
When I was growing up, I relied a lot on external validation. I craved the likes on social media, the compliments, and the attention. Why? Because I didn’t love myself so I wanted to receive it from others. But now? I can confidently say I am beginning to love myself. This is because I’ve started to keep the promises I make to myself. I’ve started to do hard things. I’ve started to hold myself to a higher standard. And I’ve started to invest in my mind, body, and soul.
24. I learned everything is contingent upon good health.
I was sick in bed for a week straight in December 2022. It was the worst. I couldn’t get up. I couldn’t write, read, exercise, watch Netflix—nothing. I slept all day. It was horrible. But it served as a powerful reminder for me that everything—my goals, experiences, relationships, wealth—depends on me having good health. So now, I put more effort into taking care of my mind, body, and soul. I work out. I walk. I eat well. I sleep well. I wear sunscreen. I spend time in nature. I drink water. I avoid bad habits like drinking, smoking, and staying up late. I know Future Me will thank me for it.
25. I learned to take more risks.
If I’m having trouble making a decision, I’ll ask myself, “If I don’t do this, will I regret it for the rest of my life?” If the answer is yes, then I’ll do it regardless of what anyone thinks or says. Because the reality is, I’m going to die one day. I don’t want to look back on my life and feel regret for the things I didn’t do that I wish I had done.
26. I learned to prioritize long-term goals and satisfaction over immediate desires and impulses.
When I was in university, I used to drink and party (almost) every single weekend. I always had a fantastic time the night of. But the next morning? Not so much. I continued this cycle every weekend despite the hangovers the following day. Why? Because I prioritized having fun in the moment over how I would feel in the future. This pattern extended to other areas of my life, too—I’d watch anime instead of studying. I’d sleep in instead of going to the gym. Or I’d go out for food with friends instead of going to my classes. But now? I’ve learned to delay short-term gratification for long-term gratification. I've realized that what feels good in the moment might not be beneficial for me in the long run. And I've become more mindful of how my actions today will impact my future. It’s as Naval Ravikant wrote, “Easy choices, hard life. Hard choices, easy life.”
27. I learned to experiment and figure out what works for *me*.
There are hundreds of health, happiness, and productivity hacks. At one point, I found all this information—and trying to implement everything—overwhelming. But now? Instead of following all these tips and tricks to a tee, I’ve become more of an experimenter. I’ll read or learn about a hack. I’ll do it for a bit. And I’ll pay attention to how I feel when I do it and if it works for me or not. If it does, great. If it doesn’t, then I stop doing it. Because here’s the thing: No single habit, guideline, trick, tip, strategy, or hack, works for everyone. You have to be an active participant in your own life. Don’t just follow these recommendations blindly. Figure out what works for *you*.
28. I learned the world is my ultimate teacher.
I genuinely believe that I'm meant to learn something from everyone I meet and every situation I encounter. Whether it's becoming more selfless, complaining less, or even being more flexible, everyone and everything serves as mirrors reflecting lessons for us.
29. I learned to respond—Not react.
I used to respond right away even when I was overly emotional—too angry, sad, or happy. 99.99% of the time, I regretted how I reacted. So now, I give myself the space and time to collect my thoughts before responding or making decisions.
30. I learned community and service are the path to fulfillment.
In October 2023, my mom signed us up for a DIY baking class. The atmosphere was amazing; everyone was helping each other, and we all laughed together. The energy felt incredible, and my heart and soul felt so full after the experience. It was a powerful reminder that community and service are the path to fulfillment.
Final Thoughts
I want to acknowledge that none of the lessons I’ve shared are original or solely mine. Everything I’ve learned has also been learned and written about by others. I’ve gained knowledge from books, podcasts, and people, and applied it to my own life experiences. That’s part of the beauty of being human, isn’t it? We can share and learn from everyone’s experiences.
What I’m Reading
- —This post inspired me to write my own!!!
- —This post, also, inspired today’s edition!!!
I Deleted TikTok From My Phone by
—I truly enjoyed reading this. 😊
Before You Go
I hope you enjoyed reading today’s newsletter!
Also, as always, if there’s anything you want me to address, talk about, or answer, PLEASE email me your questions!
Thank you so much for being here! 😊
I’ll see you THIS Sunday,
Irene
Happy birthday Irene! And congratulations on the new job – welcome to the world of copy and content. Loved reading your thoughtful words on turning 30. It’s a brilliant decade ;) Discipline, focus and self-love are truly such important things, and it’s great to know that and keep it in mind. Wishing you all the best for the year ahead!
This is fantastic! By chance we kind of wrote about the same topic in the same week. I will restack! :-)